Monday, February 13, 2006

Coming "out of the diet closet"?

The other night I was browsing around over at Food Blog S'Cool and noticed this post by McAuliflower of Brownie Points. For those who don't actually click on the link, she commented that "I've been chewing on the concept of food blog identities and dieting. I've loved watching blogs come out from the dieting closet and disclose their issues and processes in their posts. Its a good reminder of food loving realities, a revealation of quandries that many of us may already silently be going through. I'm a bit ashamed to admit I've been holding back such revelations myself."

I too have been playing around with whether or not to broach this subject on my blog. It's a very personal subject and surely there are many who could not care less, but then again, there are many who could not care less what brownies I made the other night or what wine we drank and that hasn't stopped me, now has it?

Weight is something I have struggled with since turning 28, or thereabouts (I will turn 40 this year). It was right about that time that my metabolism slowed down big time and I stayed in pretty deep denial about it until after the birth of my first son. Of course pregnancy and birth only made things worse and I "suddenly" found myself 30 pounds overweight. That may not sound like much, but at 5'1" with a small frame, that's quite a bit of weight. My journey back to better fitness started when I saw a picture of myself and realized I didn't recognize that person.

I don't know if I buy into all the theories (like on Oprah) that there must be some deep-seated psychological issue that causes me to overeat. While I think that is true for many, I don't know if it has to be true for all. I think, for me, it's really quite stunningly simple. I eat too much and exercise too little. I do have issues with eating too much, but not because I'm trying to bury some unspeakable pain, but because it just plain tastes good and I want more of it.

An Oprah show did cause me to have a big lightbulb moment, even if I don't subscribe to all the psychological issues she mixes in with being overweight. She said something along these lines - we would not be fat unless there is some kind of payoff. What is your payoff? Payoff, I thought, what payoff could there possibly be to being overweight and miserable? After mulling that over for a while, I realized that my own personal payoff was that I could eat whatever I wanted. I was already fat, so why not have that extra cookie or two, or three, or four? By ignoring my weight problem, I didn't have to deny myself. Again, no mysticism or deep, dark secret - pretty simple, really.

About 3 years ago or so, I started to watch what I ate, started to exercise regularly and eventually dropped the weight. I did gain some back, but as long as I kept exercising, I was able to keep most of the weight off. However, this past year I really dropped off on exercising and have gained 13 pounds or so. It's time to, at the very least, get back to regular exercise and cut back on the eating. But more on that tomorrow or another day.......

In order to help myself achieve my goals this time around, I have decided to blog about it. I will, however, keep the fitness posts separate from my other posts as much as possible so that you can easily ignore them if you wish to.

I have so much to say on this subject, so much to write about, but I'll leave it here for tonight, lest I create a novel on my first night "coming out of the closet".



  1. Oh Alysha- you are speaking out loud what was lodged in my chest. I too had lost a significant amount of weight three years ago, and now find myself in the position of really wondering what my payoff was for letting it come back.

    I haven't figured out the blogging part. I look forward to seeing how this works for you.

  2. It makes me nervous to write about such personal stuff, but we'll see how it goes. Thanks for stopping by. :)

  3. Anonymous8:51 PM

    Well I have about 20 lbs to lose that have crept on (and picked up speed recently). Although I do have a large appetite (even when I was at a good weight) and love food -- I am definitely a stress eater. Between jobs so doing some consulting, not happy being single at the age of 42, that ticking biological clock. Just to name a few. But the weight gain causes me to feel crappy about how I look, which impacts the above. Interesting to see what the payoffs are for keeping the weight in. Hmmm, a bit of a security for me....??